German no 3: Schumacher finished behind countrymen Vettel and Rosberg
Skirmishes such as this were something he might once have glimpsed in his rear-view mirror; a long way in his rear-view mirror. A lot has changed since 2004 when Schumacher won his seventh drivers' title and retired. A lot has changed, for that matter, since October last year when Button won his first.
The rule outlawing refuelling received its outing in Bahrain and was given a unanimous thumbs-down by the drivers. The verdict is it will turn the sport into a very expensive and protracted form of greyhound racing. If your dog gets a kick on the first bend at Romford on a Monday night you might as well go to the bar. And if your driver is not in front coming out of the first turn - certainly at Sakhir - team owners might as well pray for mechanical failure or do the same.
Top of the podium: Fernando Alonso
Vettel, who led from the grid, was hunted down by Fernando Alonso, Felipe Massa and Lewis Hamilton but only because his exhaust packed up. Even with this handicap he still held off Rosberg to claim fourth.
Schumacher was told he had the car to take Vettel on the final lap despite lying six seconds behind, but there appeared scant evidence of it. Schumacher may have been relieved that the race was not as physically demanding as had been predicted, but the racer in him will have sensed a void in the event. Later, he joined the chorus of disapproval.
The race was 'not very exhausting for me,' he said. 'After the start, which was exciting, it was sort of what we expected from the new rules. You have some fights at the beginning and then it is over. The one pit stop to change tyres brings a little bit of movement, but not much and then it's nearly impossible to overtake - so that's it.
'The start is more interesting, maybe, but after that it is about not making any mistakes and bringing the car home. You try not to overdo the tyres, not come too close to the guy in front. It was clear I couldn't overtake so then all I could do is watch behind so I didn't make any mistakes.'
The other issue, specific to Schumacher, is that the front tyres are much narrower than in his first time around, making cornering more difficult.
One-two: Fernando Alonso wins the Bahrain GP ahead of his team-mate Felipe Massa
'I want the car to move around the bend the way I think it should and that is hard now,' he added. 'With my driving style, I have to get used to it. We are slower now than when I was driving.'
The Sakhir circuit is considerably longer than in previous years, so time comparisons are redundant, but Schumacher's lap of 1.30.252 recorded on his only previous appearance in 2004 - he won, naturally - was not bettered in the next five years.
To emphasise the more ferocious nature of the competition back then, despite his incredible speed, Schumacher's winning margin was merely 1.367sec. Alonso came home yesterday 16 seconds clear of Ferrari team-mate Massa.
'It was not discouraging looking at Ferrari,' Schumacher said. 'I have seen very big gaps at the start of the season yet still been fighting at the end. I know anything can still happen and how fast things can turn - it is too early to say "too late". We know we have work ahead of us, and we will carry on looking at the aerodynamics and the wind channel. I feel positive. We came where I thought we would.'
It was the one time he sounded less than convincing; because that would mean Schumacher came out of retirement to finish sixth. You might believe me when I say he is almost three inches shorter than David Beckham: but only a mug would fall for Schumacher, the happy failure.
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