And the fact is, life is boring. Despite what they told us in the 80s and 90s, we are not living on the moon, teleporting to the local pub, flying to work in cars like the Jetsons and some of us are still going bald. And guess what, greenies? We are still using a 130-year-old fuel called petrol. No, our cars are not powered by hydrogen, linseed oil, electricity or chicken manure.
Anyway, if you have booked tickets for the only event in Melbourne that is bigger than Moomba, the Melbourne Grand Prix, or better still you have the big screen at home, then don't despair. You will get excited.
First of all, Melbourne is a street track; and, second, there will be more than three people there.
Bahrain was run on a purpose-built track that is absolutely sterile. Sterile. Sterile (adj.) barren, dull and uncreative, hygienic, germ-free, bare; anyway, you get the point. This is what happens when governments think they have to build giant edifices to make people want to come to their unattractive cities.
Shanghai is one the most exciting cities, yet the mayor was talked into building the best new racetrack of all time instead of running races through the city. At least if there is a big race on the Chinese authorities can tell the local factories to close down and send their workers out to cheer for cars and people they have never heard of before. How much did the average Chinese factory worker know about the Holden-Ford battle and Paul Morris and Sirromet Wines? Well, about as much as they do about Tony Abbott and Brendan Fevola, but that didn't stop them filling up the stands for a day out, some free won ton soup and a couple of bottles of Tsingtao, and cheering Paul's Commodore in the first Chinese V8 Supercar series.
Bahrain didn't have Morris and Sirromet Wines. It had about three people in the stands watching a parade of cars race through a desert. It really tried. Timbaland, Hussain Al Jasmi, Sean Kingston and Flo Rida were four of the artists to take to the stage during the weekend. Yes, I wish I could have seen them, too. Where organisers got it right was celebrating the 60th anniversary of the world championship with every world champion still alive (and some who looked as if they weren't) out on the circuit. Keke Rosberg, Jody Scheckter, Michael Schumacher, Damon Hill, Jack Brabham, Jackie Stewart, Mario Andretti, Emerson Fittipaldi, Nigel Mansell and John Surtees were there, as were some of their original cars. If not completely original, then somewhat like the original.
Surtees drove a 12-cylinder Ferrari 158, Fittipaldi his original Lotus 72, Scheckter his Ferrari 312-T4, Rosberg his Williams and so on. The great pity was that Brabham reckons he is too old for hot laps any more.
Now seeing these guys race was very nearly worth the price of the ticket but, sorry, with a few exceptions . . . and they are the old race courses . . . it has to be street circuits or they don't cut it. For me the highlight of Bahrain was Jackie Stewart, 70, in his own beautiful blue Tyrrell. Despite what he says, Jackie is still fast on and off the track and gives hope to all who still dream of managing to knock a few seconds off our lap times as we get older.
The reality was Ferrari and Red Bull were fast and no one else was in the race. Sebastian Vettel should have won but had a dud spark plug. Webber should have done a lot better but no one could pass anyone and Schumacher drove beautifully in a not-too-fast Merc. And don't forget Aussies are still doing well in other cars. On the same day, Will Power drove a blinder to win an IndyCar season opener on the streets (naturally) of Sao Paulo.
jc@jcp.com.au
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